Communication is very important. You need to learn to talk with him. Everyone can speak, but not many people are good at communication. You need to learn a technique called “advance desensitization.” What does this mean? It means saying things in advance. For example, if your husband is not coming home for dinner tonight, he might say, “Honey, I have a leader coming over tonight, so I won’t be home for dinner.” Then he could add, “How about we go to that new sushi place this weekend and have a nice meal together?” If he tells you in advance, it’s not a big deal, right? But if you’ve already prepared dinner and he suddenly calls to say, “Oh, we have a leader or an old classmate coming over, so I won’t be home for dinner,” you’re bound to feel upset, right? So we need to use a very important psychological technique called advance desensitization. For instance, I might tell my colleagues, “Our company is just starting out, and we’re all in the entrepreneurial phase. We’re all young people, let’s work hard. We won’t be giving out dividends this year; we’ll use our limited funds in the best possible way. Does anyone have any issues?” If you say it in advance, there won’t be any problems. But if you wait until the end of the year and then tell everyone, “We won’t be giving out dividends this year,” there will be a big problem. People will wonder, “What do you mean?” After all, everyone has worked hard for a year. So you must have a process of advance desensitization. For example, if you want to discuss holiday homework with your child, and if your child loves playing soccer, you could say, “Mom can arrange a few things. First, I’ll buy you a soccer ticket. That’s a good thing. Second, we can talk about your favorite soccer shoes. And third, I have a concern. I’m worried that your homework won’t be finished by the last day, which makes me anxious and helpless. Can we discuss and plan this in advance?” Even if the child still doesn’t achieve the desired result, it doesn’t matter, but I tell you, there will definitely be some improvement. So remember, saying things in advance is a hundred times more effective than explaining afterward.
